{"id":761,"date":"2020-03-18T18:10:08","date_gmt":"2020-03-18T18:10:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.evolveandtransform.me\/?p=761"},"modified":"2020-03-18T18:10:09","modified_gmt":"2020-03-18T18:10:09","slug":"anger-the-coverup-to-shame-and-the-feelings-of-not-being-good-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.evolveandtransform.me\/anger-the-coverup-to-shame-and-the-feelings-of-not-being-good-enough","title":{"rendered":"Anger, the Coverup To Shame and The Feelings of Not Being Good Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What\nis the real emotion that is lurking behind your anger?  For many, anger covers the feeling of shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shame\nis an unpleasant, self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative\nevaluation of self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure,\nmistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shame\nis often mistakenly interchanged with guilt; they are vastly different\nemotions. John Bradshaw describes the difference between shame<\/a> and guilt\nperfectly\u2019 \u201cGuilt says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is\nsomething wrong with me.<\/em> Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame\nsays I am a mistake. <\/em>Guilt says what I did was not good; shame\nsays I am no good<\/em>.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\nis typical to see the combination<\/a> of shame and\nanger together. Anger is often used as a defense to divert attention away from\nthe painful, underlying hidden feelings of shame.  It is painful to uncover the feelings of\nshame, which stems from the false belief that you are \u201cnot enough\u201d.  This false belief of unworthiness usually\ndevelops at a very young age where you experienced feelings of not feeling\nseen, loved, valued, or understood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The core belief of shame serves us in two ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. It provides a sense of control over other people\u2019s feelings or behavior.\u00a0 If your flaw is the reason that you are rejected by another, then you have the control to correct the flaw, to finally be accepted.\u00a0 It is easier to feel flawed than to feel helpless over other people\u2019s free will to behave and feel as they choose.<\/li>
  2. It\u2019s a false sense of control and protects us from feeling we are afraid to feel.\u00a0 Feelings like heartbreak, grief, sadness, and sorrow, all stem from things of which you have no control over. Shame, of which you have the power to control is a preferred emotional diversion. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    When\nanger is used to mask shame, the shouting, throwing things, and slamming doors\nmight make you feel better initially, but the release is temporary. The anger\nultimately creates further injury to yourself and the relationships of those\nthat suffered from your anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If\nanger is something you struggle with, here are three coping strategies that\nreally work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1.\nMindful, slow and deliberate breathing, being present and focusing on the\nfeelings you feel in your body help in the process of uncovering your hidden\nshame.  The hurt from the past cannot be\nhealed while it is being covered by anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    2.\u00a0The practice of self-forgiveness and the openness to new beliefs can help you to release feelings of anger and shame from your past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    3. Shame is a hidden, ugly secret that we never talk about. By talking about those painful experiences, you bring the secret to light and allowing you to release the shame associated with it.\u00a0 As you authentically work to uncover the feelings of shame, it is important to accept all of you and to love and honor your experience without judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If\nyou are having difficulty, moving beyond anger and shame, you may be addicted\nto the feeling of control that your shame-based beliefs provide you.  If the control of feelings is what\u2019s most\nimportant to you, you will not be able to heal your shame wound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    How\ndo you know you are ready to let go of your false core beliefs<\/a>?  When you can accept that the feelings and\nbehaviors of others have nothing to do with you and you have a willingness to\nfeel those hard to feel feelings, you will be ready to let the shame go and\nrealize that you are, and always have been, perfectly good enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Contact\nRachel Graham<\/a>, a health\nentrepreneur, leadership coach, and empowering optimist who has dedicated her\nlife to educating people to find their own meaning and purpose of life.  As a life coach, she understands that it is\nour underlying and limiting beliefs that impede our personal and professional\nperformance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    What is the real emotion that is lurking behind your anger?  For many, anger covers the feeling of shame. Shame is an unpleasant, self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of self, withdrawal motivations, and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.  Shame is often mistakenly interchanged with guilt; they are vastly different […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":760,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nAnger, the Coverup To Shame and The Feelings of Not Being Good Enough - Evolve and Transform<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.evolveandtransform.me\/anger-the-coverup-to-shame-and-the-feelings-of-not-being-good-enough\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Anger, the Coverup To Shame and The Feelings of Not Being Good Enough - Evolve and Transform\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What is the real emotion that is lurking behind your anger?  For many, anger covers the feeling of shame. 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